Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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