i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
