I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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