I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
