so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
nutella sex= disaster
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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