you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
