i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
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