i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
BRING THE BAGELS
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
