you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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