Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
