I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
