Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
