So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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