But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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