Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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