Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
