god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
