I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
