My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
