Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So vagazzling was a success
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize