Old men and throwing up are my life now.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
