no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
