Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
