Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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