Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
