I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
