dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
