Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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