I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
