escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
