a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
