the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i need to put some appletini on your dick
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
