Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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