The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
