I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
