sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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