My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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