i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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