so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
