dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
