There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
