How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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