I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
