We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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