Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
