He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize