Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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