yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
