You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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