what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
