I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
