Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
