she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
