I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
