I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
