I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize