my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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