I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
