At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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