apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
