do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
