She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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