it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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