On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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