You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I got inside last night via doggy door
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
