I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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