I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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