Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize