fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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