she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
