apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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