I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
