just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
