he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
