Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
