i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
