We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
