I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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