I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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