Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
