I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize