well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
