I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
