Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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