Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
MIDGETS
????
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize