If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
