i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Please, let me fuck your mom
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize