youre lurking in front of me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
