i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize