Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
