Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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