I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
