Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
