so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize