WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
